Unexpected Tears

Today, I left team practice early for one reason... I couldn't stop crying.

I had a busy day, waking up a 9 o'clock and going to three different supermarkets to buy ingredients, then getting up to prepare everything and realizing that I couldn't make the sushi I wanted to make as nice as I could...
So my mother came home and she helped make it as I prepared the ingredients. They turned out delicious.

I packed all my stuff quickly and left the house, wishing that I could stay with my mother more. I really wanted to hug her and thank her for all her work. But I left, and went to school immediately. I was 40 minutes late and they were already close to the end of ballroom dance.

I still tried to figure out the moves as fast as I could, asking people left and right and watching people I thought that would've got it.
I still didn't understand it, so I asked one of the girls that were very talented and dance, and she couldn't help me either. So I went straight to the coach, asking him to led me. He helped me halfway before completely just leaving me alone because the lesson was over, and I felt like he half-assed the job in teaching me. But I suppose that was also my fault for being late... but I was really trying...

So during the break I was a bit angered that I was so close to getting the move down, but I just couldn't get the second part. I was rather irritated with the coach too and suddenly I felt myself tear up. I really didn't want to... but I soon started to feel my tears gather and I went into the room to let it out a little. Before I knew it, I was sobbing and couldn't hold back the tears that were rolling down my face.

By the time I stopped myself, I could see that my nose was read and eyes were puffy and with further frustration I went into the room again in hopes to cool down. There I returned to think about why the fuck I decided to start crying and I honestly couldn't come up with a good reason.

Eventually the former prez (who was a really nice guy) found me and asked me what was wrong and the waterworks returned. I was so frustrated as I was just cooling down and suddenly I couldn't stop crying again. He asked me what I was upset about and I honestly couldn't get a good answer, just saying that I was frustrated with the whole move.
He said the usual things one would say, telling me that it was normal. If I was frustrated it just meant that I cared a lot and etc etc. Which I already knew...
He wanted me to go outside and I refused too. I didn't want people to know I was crying since I honestly had no good reason to be doing so. So I told him I wanted to stay in the room.

He left and brought back some towels as well as bring the girl that I asked to help me earlier, to talk to me. Trying to find something to say, I just said some not very good reasons to be upset... and her words didn't exactly help either since they were all things I knew already.
I really just didn't know why I was so upset!
I told her I really wanted to be alone... and she left too, allowing me to cool down in the room again.

Pondering in the room, I decided to go home, since I was obviously missing too much of the lesson to dance again and I just didn't want to be there anymore. I got up, changed my shoes, and left. Letting the former president guy know that I was leaving. (since he was closest to the door)
He tried to comfort me, telling me to call him if I needed to and I nodded, voice cracking as I felt the tears returned and quickly left.
I walked to the parking lot near tears and got into the car, letting myself choke up again and drive home, telling myself that I really didn't know why I was crying.

I got home and started to search online for reasons why I would suddenly start crying and why I reacted the way I did, unable to pull myself together.

So I had a bit of a sad day today... I hope it won't ruin myself for tomorrow. I really am happy for those competing and I'm super excited to take their picture and having them enjoy snacks.

I pray it'll be a good day tomorrow. Be happy Tammy and stay strong.