What do I, Tammy, Want

What do I want in a relationship, what do I want in this relationship?

I want two individuals who care and want the best for each other. Two individuals who do everything to understand each other in attempts to merge their lives together and support each other for the long run. I want to be able to continue to improve myself and have him involved in my life, to be able to tell him what is going on with me... my anxiety, my stress, my sadness.... my excitement, my hopes, my dreams.
Recently I've felt a constant, brushed away, over dramatized, avoided feelings regarding the negative in my life. My excitement, hopes, and dreams feeling misunderstood. I've constantly been feeling like someone very important to me... does not understand me. Does not care so much about how I'm feeling and it's been difficult.

Compromise. Discussion. Getting used to. Acceptance. Key words to getting along with someone in a more intimate sense, whether it's friendship or romance. The word I prefer to use is Understanding, and recently I haven't felt understood. I've felt like the emotions I've tried to convey have been warped and twisted to another level in which I do not think is that deep rooted. Therefore, I am writing to you again, blogger. To understand what exactly I want... what I need... and how I want to be understood. Because I feel like the person closest to me... that I wish would understand me most is thinking less and less of me.

Time:
Time is tight and precious. There is often when I feel like there are not enough hours in the day to divide among parts of my life. To divide time to what is important to me. I could go on for weeks without seeing someone, even if they are important to me. I went on for weeks without seeing one of my closest friends in the states, although I constantly do what I can to make time for him.
I understand that I have less factors to work with, although I've constantly felt on the edge, waiting, on stand by.
I'm not asking for a long, long time. I'm barely even asking for a day. I only ask for a day when I want to do something specifically that would be nice for a whole day. It doesn't have to be a full day, a half day I wouldn't mind either. But it's when my hopes are over dramatized, I get upset. I do what I can to not ask for much, because I don't know what I want either. I'm very emotional, I only know what I like and what I don't like. Any time is precious and any time he is ready to share with me, I treasure.
I have now decided. What I want is

Dance:
I'm feeling misunderstood constantly. Yes, I was hurt before. What hurt is not my past experience, what hurt is the situation that my past has brought upon me when I was put into another situation.
I want to be a competitive dancer. To compete for myself to the level right for me. To create friendships from this hobby. That is what a hobby is. A thing for you to enjoy with other people (possibly) and find self improvement and satisfaction in.
I don't mind the pressure. I welcome the pressure from other people. It makes me feel like I have people who actually believe in me. It's because I often have a hard time believing in myself that I need the pressure from others to drive me.
CL put some pressure on me unintentionally, although it drove me further. To improve faster and to be better for myself and to be a better partner. I don't blame him for what happened to me. I blame my environment that I was unable to control. My environment that did not prepare me for the new environment that has me in this situation. I am upset that I could not prevent this situation, that I could not situate faster. That I couldn't be the person I wanted to be. That I couldn't be at the point in my life that I wanted to be.