Missin You Like Crazy

Friday was the first day my sempai arrived in Taipei. We had a wonderful five days together, some high energy with so much productivity and others lazy as we lay in bed and nap in each others arms.
This morning he'd left to Hong Kong, also not wanting to go and I'm feeling a bit lethargic and sad at the idea that he's gone again. Another three to four months before we can be together again.

Friday: I woke up at 5 am to take the first train to the Taoyuan Airport to pick him up. His flight was really early, though I wanted to be there to wave and greet him. I arrived earlier than him coming out my heart pounding in my chest. I saw his tall figure coming out of the gates and excitedly I approached him. He had looked down at his phone, trying to contact me I guess until our eyes met. His eyes were browner than I remembered. I took him back to Taipei where I prepared for my exhibition, having breakfast with my friends just so they got to meet. Unfortunately it felt like they didn't have any intentions to want to know him better. Though we napped and went to the exhibition together. It was six o'clock by the time we got to the hotel room. With that we bathed and had sex after seven months. Sex was intense as he fell asleep first due to jet lag. I personally wasn't as tired as I laid and thought about his arms around me. By the time I'd fallen asleep, he was hard again and we had sex again.

Saturday: We woke up in each other's arms, went out to walk around the Beitou area when nothing was open. We walked into a market and let him experience that kind of traditional Taiwanese market. We were waiting for the 7:30 breakfast to begin. We went back, ate a simple meal as it wasn't that good before going back into the hot springs and having sex again.
I took him to Tamsui, my self acclaimed best date spot in Taipei. We walked the pier and ate as we pleased. With that over, we went back towards NTNU to get his luggage and get him checked into his airbnb room. I took him to watch my club members perform for a second orientation. That evening we went to CKS memorial where I shared my knowledge about China Taiwan relations and took him to Shilin night market where we also ate. He looked tired towards the evening so we stopped and .

Sunday: After having eaten so much we decided that day would be a light day with some exercise although the weather had other plans. The rain kept us from running early in the morning though I realized that I had a UTI and wanted to go to Banqiao to get some medication from my grandma while also deciding that we would get my favorite place for pineapple cakes. Chris had a hair appointment that day so we waited until then where I convinced him to get a perm. Four hours later he came out with fabulous hair that I always get excited looking at and it makes me want to kiss him even more. :P
We had an easy day that night as he wanted to have dinner with his airbnb hosts. We had hotpot at my favorite hotpot place and it was a fun social interaction my first time as a couple with another couple.

Monday: Due to the unsuccessful attempts to exercise and so much food, we woke up early to climb Elephant Mountain. We circled the top, a route that I hadn't taken before, kissing at the top and a few selfies that I sigh looking at due to my sweaty nature. We went back to his place and napped for a moment before going to Yongkang Street for lunch. I had planned to go to DingTaiFung, though there was too many people. Instead we went to a small store and had beef noodle soup which was extremely good. For dessert, Mango Shaved Ice.
I had class on Monday afternoons, letting him roam free without me for a few hours and I met him at a cafe when the time came. We had a light dinner and boba before going to my club dance lesson. It seemed like he had fun and I enjoyed watching everyone welcome him in with open arms with his experience to teach clearly I was proud of him and wished only more that he could stay.

Tuesday: Last day was to take it easy, we slept in after breakfast before having lunch in the back alley of NTU (unimpressive curry) before heading to the Maokong. We stopped by a tea place and drank tea just talking, something I always enjoyed doing with him. Just relaxing with just him and me. We ate a few snacked before heading to WuFenPu for him to do some clothes shopping. He got plenty of basics and I wanted him to try new styles since he'd mentioned not having been allowed to have that much color in his wardrobe due to his pervious relationship. It was then talks about his previous relationships was a bit upsetting. I tried to explain to him the fact that although I know I wasn't being compared, I felt like there were restrictions due to him talking about his past relationship. Stuff that I couldn't do... or the fact that he was still jaded about relationships due to his breakup. We had ramen and returned to his place to stay the night... the last night.

I feel myself a bit under the weather due to missing him. This trip only made me love him more and want to continue this relationship. I also what this to work... but I don't want to go into this with any doubts. I'm determined to make things work... and we'll see how things go only the future will tell when we can finally be in the same place at the same time.

The Moment you Realize that you're the Bitch

Last night I felt a wall... a wall between my friends in Taiwan and I. I realized that in my heart I'm getting tired of life in Taiwan and I want to go home. Completing official work has always been a pain while living here and its always been upsetting when I realize how inadequate my language is. I want to leave this place.

It's not just that though. I feel as if relationships with friends have slowly been souring. It's not horrible. I've been having drama with this girl since coming back and I'm trying to fix myself, to be happy for someone else. Last night I was called out for being the bitch and I realized my old flaws that have arisen.
I'm terrified of the issues that happen when my ugly side is revealed. It's as if I can only hold back that version of me for three years maybe a little more. But I've realized how horrible of a friend I can be.

As I talked with my sempai last night about I've been upset about, I felt a shame for needing comfort in the same topics, to the point he described it as obsessive. The idea upset me further knowing that I was being ridiculous.

I guess I'm unhappy with this aspect of my life and it always brings me to tears. I do feel like I don't have anyone I can talk to about it that will make me feel better, as it is something I solely need to figure out. I'm doing my best to... I do feel like I talk out of my own ass often enough. Sometimes it makes no sense and sometimes it's unreasonable.

So this blog is also me talking out of my own ass. I'm going to be left behind one day... and I should get use to it. I'm not going to be the one hogging attention. I try my best to be, but my personality is not one that'll continue to make an impact on people. It's funny because it's also not a good idea to let yourself wallow in despair. People will continue to ignore you at that point.

Dream: Meeting Yuzuru Hanyu

2017/01/06

I was suppose to wake up at 7AM this morning but ended up falling back asleep and having a dream I would like to have a record of.

My friend and I were at a resort in Taiwan for whatever reason. There were hot springs and in a separate building an ice rink. My friend and I got separated, but we both noticed when arriving that there was some special event that night with a "mystery guest." We really didn't think much about it, but by chance I came across the event and realized that the figure skater we both fangirl over was there to perform! It was super exciting as even I was just about to leave the rink when it started.

The performance was great as always and I was upset because I didn't see my friend and I thought she missed the performance. She did and we went to have dinner. My chance, Hanyu was next to our table and I quickly made take some photos. He seemed busy so we didn't disturb right away, although we asked to take pictures with him.

As per usual, my dreams always ends at the good parts and I woke up, but it was something I wanted to document.