So today was a second competition of the school year and wow... I really really suck. OTL After all that time and practice... why do I still look like such an awkward duck when dancing? I've trained for so many nights and yet I still dance so grossly.
In the beginning I was thinking that I wasn't dancing so bad... but I feel like I haven't improved at all. And the way I dance... It looks worse than most of the kids there. I decided to look at the videos that were taken today and, god, I dance so strangely, I start to question why the hell I dance.
I work so hard... but my body still looks awkward when I dance. How do I improve already??
I feel really bad for my partner... he supports me so much, but I still dance hella strangely. What's even worse is that he dances so well and I feel like I'm just holding him back. So I wonder, why do I dance?
I love ballroom dancing, it makes me feel sexy, happy, and give me confidence. But as a competitor... I start to see what I lack and how high of a wall I need to climb. And looking at that wall is making me nervous.
Wow... and I can't believe I've been so selfish. And here I've only been thinking of my own feelings. Thinking of being some love-sick puppy, wtf. Enough of that! Get your shit together Tammy... Focus on your work, school, and improve yourself! Stop being so emotional, you're no longer in high school. It's time to grow up and remember what your goals really are. Good luck.
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