Looking at the Void Silently

Ranting of facebook for all to see is stupid... why would anyone do that? Let everyone know your problems and perhaps make people think that you're being overemotional of begging for help, it's pathetic.
So when I'm upset, I look at that void known as social media. I imagine calling in it and think about who will reply, who exactly am I trying to get the attention of? Are my problems really worse that other people that they would take the time in their own busy lives to care? I think not...

Perhaps it's the rain today, but I've been feeling a bit down. I can't smile and I just can't help feel worried about mostly my dance. After working so hard and finding out that I'm not dancing as good as I thought I've been, is depressing and I start questioning my reasons for dancing. Why am I still slouching and my arms still look like noodles?

I need to practice more... wish me luck blogger...

合作盃 Holy Sh*t Why Do I Dance??

So today was a second competition of the school year and wow... I really really suck. OTL After all that time and practice... why do I still look like such an awkward duck when dancing? I've trained for so many nights and yet I still dance so grossly.
In the beginning I was thinking that I wasn't dancing so bad... but I feel like I haven't improved at all. And the way I dance... It looks worse than most of the kids there. I decided to look at the videos that were taken today and, god, I dance so strangely, I start to question why the hell I dance.

I work so hard... but my body still looks awkward when I dance. How do I improve already??

I feel really bad for my partner... he supports me so much, but I still dance hella strangely. What's even worse is that he dances so well and I feel like I'm just holding him back. So I wonder, why do I dance?

I love ballroom dancing, it makes me feel sexy, happy, and give me confidence. But as a competitor... I start to see what I lack and how high of a wall I need to climb. And looking at that wall is making me nervous.

Wow... and I can't believe I've been so selfish. And here I've only been thinking of my own feelings. Thinking of being some love-sick puppy, wtf. Enough of that! Get your shit together Tammy... Focus on your work, school, and improve yourself! Stop being so emotional, you're no longer in high school. It's time to grow up and remember what your goals really are. Good luck.

A Comfort and Happiness

So recently I've been getting along with my dance partner a lot more... and I'm wondering if I'm starting to have feelings that is more than just being friends.
I've known for a while that he's had feelings for me... but to my belief I don't return his sentiment as flattering as it is.  I do care for my partner quite a bit, and being with him makes me happy. I enjoy talking and spending time with him, like he's one of my best friends. I just feel like I can tell him about something problems I've been dealing with, and it means a lot that he listens to me quietly and sometimes even gives me suggestions.

He's a honest guy... and I appreciate that part about him... but it couldn't be love. Should I tell him? Tell him that I appreciate him as a friend and having him be there for me? Or would that sound too much like a confession in his eyes. I'm not one to hide my feelings so usually if I like a guy enough, I tell him exactly how I feel.
Now I know he's basically confessed, but I don't want to completely reject him either... perhaps I should just tell him that I appreciate him, a lot... as a friend... maybe even a brother. Kinda like Andy...

I feel conflicted... but I kinda wanna just get this feelings out. I need to talk to more people I suppose... to reaffirm my friendship status.