No one can be trusted in your heart. Absolutely no one. I understand now... I keep understanding yet I continue to forget. You're in idiot Tammy, every time... at least you figured it out before you really got hurt.
Friends, what the fuck are they. Companions that are just to keep you from looking like a loner in this world or someone you can trust that will stand by your side through better or for worse.
I surrounded myself with various types of friends over the course of these two years in this foreign country, knowing that I can't get myself sucked into a group of people ever again. I know that they will eventually betray me and hurt me in some way.
I always knew one couldn't be trusted. I worried about her that night and was left sleep deprived because if her. I was evil for making her think more into her mistakes, but she deserved it. I just didn't think someone else was so quick to forgive. Quick to forgive...
They're going out now... without me, right after they made up. I knew in the States that I would be the third wheel. I hate those that are innocent and clueless, I really don't like these type of people. They act like they did nothing wrong and because they're clueless, people forgive them instantly. While people like me... I'm planning, I think, and I worry, if something I've done seems wrong, they instantly think less of me. If I crack, people can't accept me. That's why I've been shallow... with everyone. Eventually I stopped being shallow, I found someone I thought I could accept and give my heart to... but the thing is, in a way she's fickle and again I'm betrayed.
I should've known better... I'm foolish for thinking this.
"We're just going to scout out the area first, fuck you, I thought we were suppose to go together. Fuck you and go."
EDIT 12/4/2015: I was mad when I posted this, but in the end things turned out fine. That one didn't go... and we stayed and talked. She said there was always another time we can go together since we did promise and we went together a week later. :)
