Tonight I would consider was my first date night with my "boyfriend". We started it off with dinner after our dance lesson and later (since I was sick) went over to his place and watched Frozen. As I promised him we should.
The main part of our date was watching the animated family-film in his room, but he filled the time with cuddling and often kissed my cheek and neck while watching. I liked it... being showered by his affection. Me, being the shy, young, being the first time girlfriend, didn't reciprocate as much, but I accepted all his affection and tried to signal that I liked it.
I even offered that if I wasn't sick, I would've been willing to give kiss him, on the lips...
It was when the movie ended and I looked at the clock when I was shocked 11:45. I didn't want to leave just yet, though I knew it was about time, but as long as I made it back by 1:00am there should be no problem.
So after hanging out a bit and I could feel the desire in his voice when he asked about watching porn again. I could feel my heart sigh a bit and feel the wonderful date I had been ruined just a bit. It was when I was about to leave when he asked me about the time I mentioned being willing to give him a handjob, and I cringed.
"Right now?" I asked with slightly disappointed eyes.
He really did want one, and I felt myself questioning the relationship and the fact that I was so open about my sexuality so early on in the game.
This was a mistake on my part... but I really just wanted a non-sexual relationship for a bit before I decide to take it to the next level.
I told him this... and I hope he understands. I really don't want this just to be a fling. I want to grow to love him and return his feelings and not just do it for the sake if getting it over with...
Perhaps I'll have to talk to him about this again... I really don't want to do anything sexual with him for a while...
